It's Your Life So Make the Most Of It
One of the most important ingredients in your personal development is taking real responsibility for your actions. This requires that you consciously become the cause of the results that you want. Refuse to behave like a victim... or to wait for someone to save you from life's problems,"You are the master"..
Keys to Self-responsibility
To reach your full potential, you need to take responsibility for your actions in meaningful ways...
Consciousness. You have a choice -- you can pay attention and be fully present when you are making critical decisions, such as working on a project, reading your performance review or deciding whether to have another drink. Or you can be physically present but mentally absent during these activities. Either way, you are responsible for the level of consciousness you bring to any occasion -- and you are responsible for the results.
Decisions and actions. It is tempting to "disconnect" from our choices -- to insist that someone or something is driving us to behave the way we do. Other people don't make you talk or act in certain ways. You are responsible for how you speak and listen... whether you act rationally or not... whether you treat others fairly or unfairly... whether you keep your promises or break them. Once you recognize that you are the source of your own decisions and actions, you are far more likely to proceed wisely -- and to act in ways that will not cause embarrassment or regret later.
Fulfillment of desires. A major cause of unhappiness or frustration is imagining that someone will come along to "rescue" you -- to solve your problems and fulfill your wishes. A self-responsible person recognizes that no one is coming to make life right or to "fix" things. You acknowledge that nothing will get better unless you do something to make it happen.
Beliefs and values. Many people are happy to reflect passively what others believe and value. Or they assume that their ideas arise naturally out of their feelings -- by instinct. Self-responsible people work to become aware of their beliefs and values... to critically scrutinize them... to seek out people who see things differently... and then to make up their own minds.
Setting priorities. The way we spend time and energy is either in sync with our values or out of sync with what we claim is important. If you understand that the way you prioritize your time is your own choice, you are more likely to correct the contradictions. Instead of being overwhelmed or neglecting people and activities that are important to you, you reexamine your values or set priorities that make more sense.
Choice of companions. You can blame and resent others when they repeatedly hurt or disappoint you. You can feel sorry for yourself. Or you can recognize your responsibility for choosing with whom you spend time... and make different choices.
Actions in response to feelings and emotions. When you're angry, you have the urge to lash out. When you're hurt, you may feel like sulking,1875 Ugg Sheepskin Cuff Short Black Boots. When you're impatient, you may want to drive too fast. But you don't have to act on every feeling or urge. When you accept responsibility for the actions you take, you act more thoughtfully... less impulsively... and with better results.
Happiness. If you believe your happiness is primarily in your own hands, you give yourself enormous power. You don't wait for events or other people to make you happy. If something is wrong, your response is not,sometimes this safety zone can stifle us and eventually kill our will., "Someone's got to do something!" but "What can I do?"
One's own life and well being. In taking responsibility for your life,PERMISSION TO REPUBLISH, you will recognize other people's rights to do the same. Other people do not exist as means to your ends, any more than you live in service to their goals. People may choose to help me another -- voluntarily. Life is usually more pleasant when they do so. But no one is born with a right to other people's assets or energy -- despite the attitude of entitlement that is so prevalent today.
Learning self-responsibility. You can become more responsible by asking yourself two powerful questions several times a day...
What possibilities for action exist?
What can I do? Instead of just saying, "I want...," try asking yourself, "What am I willing to do to get what I want?" To become more aware of whether you are acting responsibly, ask yourself, If I wanted to be fully self-responsible right now, what would I be doing?
Try this exercise: Every morning for one week, write six to 10 endings to each of the following sentences...
If I operate a little more self-responsibly today, I will...
If I am 5% more self-responsible in my relationships, I will...
If I accept responsibility for my choices and decisions, I will... Don't worry about what you should say. Just write the first words that come to mind. Over the weekend, reread the week's sentences. Then write six to 10 endings for this sentence...
If any of what I wrote this week is true, it might be helpful if I... Done consistently, this exercise helps to shift your mental focus. Changes are often quick -- and dramatic.
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Friday, November 9, 2012
geranium
Pendulum Divination
Divination is a simple way to tap into the deep reservoir of wisdom that each of us holds in our higher conscience. The pendulum is not a magical implement. It is only a tool,1875 Ugg Sheepskin Cuff Short Black Boots. The magic comes from our ability to access a vast pool of knowledge that we already have at our disposal. Everyone has the ability to divine. For some it will come easily and immediately. To others it may take a little practice. It is a fun way to find answers to some of life's questions and to develop your psychic ability.
People normally turn to divination when they have a burning question or when they are at a crossroad and must make an important life decision. It is usually a time of indecision and divination can help us to determine what is really important to us. Our mind is a strong and influential force that often rules our decision making. Our logical mind, however, can trick us into making decisions that do not take all the important aspects of ourselves into account. Divination helps you to tap into our intuition and find out what you really want and what will really help you to achieve your life goals.
Divination can also help you in many everyday practical ways such as: finding something that is lost; for better health; for healing; and even to help you make better gardening decisions. This paper will concentrate on how to use a divination pendulum.
The Pendulum
A pendulum is a convenient tool for divination as it can be carried around in your pocket or worn as a necklace. A pendulum can be made from any small symmetrical object that can swing freely and easily on the end of a cord or chain. You can use a bolt, screw or nut from the garage tool box, a ring or pendant from your jewelery box. The kitchen drawer can also offer surprising small objects that you be used as pendulums. Before writing this article, I searched through my kitchen drawer for examples and found a round key-ring, a small padlock and a symmetrical key, all of which could be used as a pendulum. The object must be reasonably symmetrical however in order for it to work correctly and it must be of a certain weight. For instance, if it is too light it will not pull the cord tight and swing correctly. If it is too heavy, you will find it difficult to hold it gently between your fingers.
Choosing a Pendulum
Although you can use just about any symmetrical object, made from any material, most people tend to choose a pendulum that they like the look of and feel comfortable with. You can buy beautiful pendulums for a small amount of money from new age and metaphysical shops. They are typically made from metal, wood, semi precious stones or crystals and usually come with a chain or cord attached,Confront that personThen tell them you love them.. Remember, that the pendulum is not a magical implement but only the tool that allows you to unlock the secrets of your own higher self.
However, the material that a pendulum is made from can increase particular energies that contribute to the power of your divination. Pendulums made from semi-precious stones or crystals bring to your divination the special quality that the stone or crystal provides. These special qualities can assist you by increasing the positive energy during the divination process. Below is an example of some semi-precious stones and their particular qualities:
Amethyst soothes the nervous system, balancing emotions. It helps you to feel more in control. It is good for relieving physical and emotional pain and overcoming addictions,From Soul to You, dispelling anger, fear and anxiety.
Citrine or Golden Topaz - a highly positive stone that can guide you in a positive and creative direction. It is good for dispelling insecurity and negative thoughts and for attaining inner calm and security. It is motivating and helps you to achieve clarity of thought and resolution of problems
Clear Quartz Crystal a highly spiritual stone, quartz is good for psychic development. It is purifying and creates harmony and balance. It enhances the qualities of other stones and can be programmed to achieve just about any goal.
Rose Quartz Crystal the love stone, rose quartz creates harmony and balances emotional states. It is the stone for self-acceptance and appreciation of all things. It brings peace, compassion, self-love, happy relationships and receptivity to beautiful things.
Sterling Silver brings clarity of thought and enhances your ability to deal with intellectual problems.
Tiger Eye - strengthens convictions and brings courage and confidence. It is good for mental focus and for promoting energy flow around the body. It is said to attract the people and things into your life that you need to achieve your goals.
Chambered Pendulums
Many pendulums contain a hollow chamber into which you can insert an object of significance to your divination questions. Chambered pendulums are usually made from metal and have a small hinged lid that opens to a small hollow chamber. Objects that are commonly inserted in the chamber include small crystals or stones to increase particular energies or a hair or piece of clothing from someone central to the question that is being asked. This makes chambered pendulums a very powerful tool for use in pendulum divination.
Preparing for Divination
Because we often turn to divination when we have a great desire to find the answer to a question, it is important to ensure we are in the right state of mind for undertaking divination. A genuine desire to find an answer is an important factor to successful divination. However, it is also important that you do not approach finding the answer in a desperate way with too much emotional attachment to the answer. You must approach divination in a relaxed manner, remaining a little detached from the answer. If you are too anxious and put too much pressure on yourself, the process will be ineffective.
For the best results, especially if you are using divination as a way to answer a question that causes you stress, it is advisable to undertake divination directly after meditating. Alternatively, here is a relaxation technique that will assist in reducing any anxiety directly before undertaking divination:
Light an aromatic candle or incense in a relaxing scent (examples: amber, lavender, geranium, jasmine, frankincense) in a room where you will not be disturbed. You could put on some relaxing music if you find that calming. Sit or lie somewhere comfortable. Once you are settled, imagine a light entering your body from your feet and gradually filling your body. As the light travels up your legs and through your body visualize the light entering every sinew, muscle, tendon and vein every cell. Imagine the light to be soothing, calming and relaxing you as it pours into every aspect of your body. If you have an ache or a pain, concentrate the light on that point, making it bright and imagining the light healing the pain. As the light continues to make its way up through your body, it takes with it any pain, discomfort or stress until finally pouring out through the top of your head, expelling anything that is making you ill at ease.
By relaxing prior to divination, you will reduce your internal noise' and will be better able to focus your mind on the question. A more relaxed state will help you to remain calm and will assist you to get in contact with your intuition.
Determining the Question
Because pendulum divination is used to provide a Yes or No answer, you must be careful how you ask the question. The question must be unambiguous. Sometimes it is better to ask a series of simple questions that can be answered with either yes or no than to ask a complicated question where answering yes or no does not really give you a meaningful answer. Spend some time on your question as, if you ask ambiguous questions in the early stages of learning to use the pendulum, you may loose confidence in the accuracy of the process.
Practicing with a few simple questions first will help you to determine how to best form a question to find an answer to the important issues. Sometimes the timing for the question is not right. If this is the case, you will not receive an answer. You can, however, ask the pendulum whether the timing is right.
How To Use Your Pendulum
Determining the Yes and No Signals
Find somewhere comfortable to sit. Hold the cord or chain of the pendulum between the thumb and forefinger, leaving 2 to 4 inches of cord between the pendulum and your fingers. Ensure that your fingers are pointing down so that the pendulum can swing freely.
Hold the pendulum in front of you, so that it has plenty of room to swing above your knees.
To start the divination process, swing the pendulum in a motion away from you and towards you. This is the neutral action and is a way of saying, "I am ready to start divining".
Firstly, you need to predetermine the signals that mean Yes and No. To do this, you ask the pendulum.
To determine the Yes response - While your pendulum is still swinging in the neutral action, state, show me my Yes response'. You do not need to say this out loud but make sure you state it clearly in you mind. Now watch the pendulum. It will change direction or change its movement style or it may stop altogether. Whatever movement it makes after you ask for your Yes response is the movement that will be your signal for Yes.
To determine the No response - Swing the pendulum once again in the neutral action. While the pendulum is still swinging in the neutral action, state show me my No response'. Watch the pendulum and whatever motion it makes will be your No response.
Repeat the process outlined above until you are confident that you have a predetermined response for Yes and No.
If You Don't Get a Clear Signal
When you first start using a pendulum this process may take a while as you are using a part of your psyche that may not be well practiced. You need to be patient with yourself and keep you mind focussed on the question you are asking. For some this comes immediately but for many it will take practice.
If, after trying a number of times, you are not getting a clear signal from the pendulum for Yes and No, you can decide your signals using your conscious mind. To do this, repeat the exercise as stated above but this time decide on what movement you would like to be your Yes signal and what movement you would like to be your No signal.
To consciously determine your Yes signal, firstly swing the pendulum in the neutral position, then state in your mind, or out loud, this will be my Yes signal". On making this statement, deliberately swing the pendulum in the motion that you have chosen to mean Yes. Do the same thing to determine the No signal. Once you have set your responses, practice swapping between Yes, Neutral,problems with sleeping, No, Neutral, Yes, etc. Test out the predetermined responses by asking some simple questions and let the pendulum signal the answer.
Like anything new, your divination will improve through practice. Practice helps you to focus your mind and will help you to develop an emotionally detached disposition when divining. Over time you will increase your ability to hear' your intuition and improve your general psychic ability.
Pendulum divination helps you to align your intellectual mind with your intuition. It is a simple tool that is easy to use and a great way to increase your psychic development. Tap into your own immense source of knowledge and have some fun in the process. Anyone can divine and a pendulum is a simple and easy method for tapping into the higher realms.
Divination is a simple way to tap into the deep reservoir of wisdom that each of us holds in our higher conscience. The pendulum is not a magical implement. It is only a tool,1875 Ugg Sheepskin Cuff Short Black Boots. The magic comes from our ability to access a vast pool of knowledge that we already have at our disposal. Everyone has the ability to divine. For some it will come easily and immediately. To others it may take a little practice. It is a fun way to find answers to some of life's questions and to develop your psychic ability.
People normally turn to divination when they have a burning question or when they are at a crossroad and must make an important life decision. It is usually a time of indecision and divination can help us to determine what is really important to us. Our mind is a strong and influential force that often rules our decision making. Our logical mind, however, can trick us into making decisions that do not take all the important aspects of ourselves into account. Divination helps you to tap into our intuition and find out what you really want and what will really help you to achieve your life goals.
Divination can also help you in many everyday practical ways such as: finding something that is lost; for better health; for healing; and even to help you make better gardening decisions. This paper will concentrate on how to use a divination pendulum.
The Pendulum
A pendulum is a convenient tool for divination as it can be carried around in your pocket or worn as a necklace. A pendulum can be made from any small symmetrical object that can swing freely and easily on the end of a cord or chain. You can use a bolt, screw or nut from the garage tool box, a ring or pendant from your jewelery box. The kitchen drawer can also offer surprising small objects that you be used as pendulums. Before writing this article, I searched through my kitchen drawer for examples and found a round key-ring, a small padlock and a symmetrical key, all of which could be used as a pendulum. The object must be reasonably symmetrical however in order for it to work correctly and it must be of a certain weight. For instance, if it is too light it will not pull the cord tight and swing correctly. If it is too heavy, you will find it difficult to hold it gently between your fingers.
Choosing a Pendulum
Although you can use just about any symmetrical object, made from any material, most people tend to choose a pendulum that they like the look of and feel comfortable with. You can buy beautiful pendulums for a small amount of money from new age and metaphysical shops. They are typically made from metal, wood, semi precious stones or crystals and usually come with a chain or cord attached,Confront that personThen tell them you love them.. Remember, that the pendulum is not a magical implement but only the tool that allows you to unlock the secrets of your own higher self.
However, the material that a pendulum is made from can increase particular energies that contribute to the power of your divination. Pendulums made from semi-precious stones or crystals bring to your divination the special quality that the stone or crystal provides. These special qualities can assist you by increasing the positive energy during the divination process. Below is an example of some semi-precious stones and their particular qualities:
Amethyst soothes the nervous system, balancing emotions. It helps you to feel more in control. It is good for relieving physical and emotional pain and overcoming addictions,From Soul to You, dispelling anger, fear and anxiety.
Citrine or Golden Topaz - a highly positive stone that can guide you in a positive and creative direction. It is good for dispelling insecurity and negative thoughts and for attaining inner calm and security. It is motivating and helps you to achieve clarity of thought and resolution of problems
Clear Quartz Crystal a highly spiritual stone, quartz is good for psychic development. It is purifying and creates harmony and balance. It enhances the qualities of other stones and can be programmed to achieve just about any goal.
Rose Quartz Crystal the love stone, rose quartz creates harmony and balances emotional states. It is the stone for self-acceptance and appreciation of all things. It brings peace, compassion, self-love, happy relationships and receptivity to beautiful things.
Sterling Silver brings clarity of thought and enhances your ability to deal with intellectual problems.
Tiger Eye - strengthens convictions and brings courage and confidence. It is good for mental focus and for promoting energy flow around the body. It is said to attract the people and things into your life that you need to achieve your goals.
Chambered Pendulums
Many pendulums contain a hollow chamber into which you can insert an object of significance to your divination questions. Chambered pendulums are usually made from metal and have a small hinged lid that opens to a small hollow chamber. Objects that are commonly inserted in the chamber include small crystals or stones to increase particular energies or a hair or piece of clothing from someone central to the question that is being asked. This makes chambered pendulums a very powerful tool for use in pendulum divination.
Preparing for Divination
Because we often turn to divination when we have a great desire to find the answer to a question, it is important to ensure we are in the right state of mind for undertaking divination. A genuine desire to find an answer is an important factor to successful divination. However, it is also important that you do not approach finding the answer in a desperate way with too much emotional attachment to the answer. You must approach divination in a relaxed manner, remaining a little detached from the answer. If you are too anxious and put too much pressure on yourself, the process will be ineffective.
For the best results, especially if you are using divination as a way to answer a question that causes you stress, it is advisable to undertake divination directly after meditating. Alternatively, here is a relaxation technique that will assist in reducing any anxiety directly before undertaking divination:
Light an aromatic candle or incense in a relaxing scent (examples: amber, lavender, geranium, jasmine, frankincense) in a room where you will not be disturbed. You could put on some relaxing music if you find that calming. Sit or lie somewhere comfortable. Once you are settled, imagine a light entering your body from your feet and gradually filling your body. As the light travels up your legs and through your body visualize the light entering every sinew, muscle, tendon and vein every cell. Imagine the light to be soothing, calming and relaxing you as it pours into every aspect of your body. If you have an ache or a pain, concentrate the light on that point, making it bright and imagining the light healing the pain. As the light continues to make its way up through your body, it takes with it any pain, discomfort or stress until finally pouring out through the top of your head, expelling anything that is making you ill at ease.
By relaxing prior to divination, you will reduce your internal noise' and will be better able to focus your mind on the question. A more relaxed state will help you to remain calm and will assist you to get in contact with your intuition.
Determining the Question
Because pendulum divination is used to provide a Yes or No answer, you must be careful how you ask the question. The question must be unambiguous. Sometimes it is better to ask a series of simple questions that can be answered with either yes or no than to ask a complicated question where answering yes or no does not really give you a meaningful answer. Spend some time on your question as, if you ask ambiguous questions in the early stages of learning to use the pendulum, you may loose confidence in the accuracy of the process.
Practicing with a few simple questions first will help you to determine how to best form a question to find an answer to the important issues. Sometimes the timing for the question is not right. If this is the case, you will not receive an answer. You can, however, ask the pendulum whether the timing is right.
How To Use Your Pendulum
Determining the Yes and No Signals
Find somewhere comfortable to sit. Hold the cord or chain of the pendulum between the thumb and forefinger, leaving 2 to 4 inches of cord between the pendulum and your fingers. Ensure that your fingers are pointing down so that the pendulum can swing freely.
Hold the pendulum in front of you, so that it has plenty of room to swing above your knees.
To start the divination process, swing the pendulum in a motion away from you and towards you. This is the neutral action and is a way of saying, "I am ready to start divining".
Firstly, you need to predetermine the signals that mean Yes and No. To do this, you ask the pendulum.
To determine the Yes response - While your pendulum is still swinging in the neutral action, state, show me my Yes response'. You do not need to say this out loud but make sure you state it clearly in you mind. Now watch the pendulum. It will change direction or change its movement style or it may stop altogether. Whatever movement it makes after you ask for your Yes response is the movement that will be your signal for Yes.
To determine the No response - Swing the pendulum once again in the neutral action. While the pendulum is still swinging in the neutral action, state show me my No response'. Watch the pendulum and whatever motion it makes will be your No response.
Repeat the process outlined above until you are confident that you have a predetermined response for Yes and No.
If You Don't Get a Clear Signal
When you first start using a pendulum this process may take a while as you are using a part of your psyche that may not be well practiced. You need to be patient with yourself and keep you mind focussed on the question you are asking. For some this comes immediately but for many it will take practice.
If, after trying a number of times, you are not getting a clear signal from the pendulum for Yes and No, you can decide your signals using your conscious mind. To do this, repeat the exercise as stated above but this time decide on what movement you would like to be your Yes signal and what movement you would like to be your No signal.
To consciously determine your Yes signal, firstly swing the pendulum in the neutral position, then state in your mind, or out loud, this will be my Yes signal". On making this statement, deliberately swing the pendulum in the motion that you have chosen to mean Yes. Do the same thing to determine the No signal. Once you have set your responses, practice swapping between Yes, Neutral,problems with sleeping, No, Neutral, Yes, etc. Test out the predetermined responses by asking some simple questions and let the pendulum signal the answer.
Like anything new, your divination will improve through practice. Practice helps you to focus your mind and will help you to develop an emotionally detached disposition when divining. Over time you will increase your ability to hear' your intuition and improve your general psychic ability.
Pendulum divination helps you to align your intellectual mind with your intuition. It is a simple tool that is easy to use and a great way to increase your psychic development. Tap into your own immense source of knowledge and have some fun in the process. Anyone can divine and a pendulum is a simple and easy method for tapping into the higher realms.
Thursday, November 8, 2012
an advocate
Pecked to Death By Ducks
Ever been in a situation where it seems like minor criticisms are all you hear? Sure, there are things you could improve, you know that . . . but a constant peck, peck, peck of negative feedback sure doesn't motivate you to change! One of my mentors called this gradual chipping away at one's self esteem, "being pecked to death by ducks."
How to deal with it? There are ducks outside my window as I write . . . and I know that one sure way to make them go away, is to stop feeding them. Ducks need to eat a lot, and eat often, to keep going. If they can't get food from you, they'll try someplace else.
So ,1875 Ugg Sheepskin Cuff Short Black Boots. . . how can you make this work for your brand of "ducks"? What about figuring out what there is about you that's FEEDING them? For example, are you reacting to their pecks? (Psychologists tell us that some people use a negative approach to get the attention they crave.)
Are you working harder in response to their criticism? (When you do this, you are exhausting yourself and adding chocolate sauce to their dessert! The pecking won't end, I guarantee it.)
I believe we feed our ducks when we take words of criticism home and brood. Most of us are programmed to take criticism much more seriously than we do praise, and many of us make almost a career out of taking criticism home to chew over . . . and over . . . and again.
When Duck A criticizes me for DOING x, I have a choice. Take it home and make it last . . ,Whatever the reason. or look the criticism in the face. If it's fair and valid, I may decide to stop x-ing (it's my choice). In fact, Duck A may have done me a good turn -- and one way to keep this in mind is to say (over and over if necessary), "It's about what I DO, it's not who I BE."
A WORD ABOUT SYSTEMIC DUCK FEEDERS: Some organizations and groups encourage anonymous feedback, in the mistaken belief that this provides a safe environment for honest communication,if they are normally very calm under pressure. WRONG! Anonymous feedback promotes dysfunctional systems . . . and dysfunctional systems are essentially "duck food silos." (I put a spin on an old mantra, "If you can't say it to his/her face, don't say it at all." Of course, sometimes we need help -- a mentor, an advocate, a companion, a safe structure. But whatever it takes, in healthy systems, constructive, behavior-focused criticism comes with a name attached, and if at all possible, is given face-to- face.)
Finally: HOW NOT TO BE A DUCK: Before YOU criticize,Take a shower or bath., think clearly. Figure out what is really bugging you. And then speak directly to the person with whom you have a problem. Use 'I' statements (a skill unknown to ducks, as far as I know). Rehearse ahead of time to be sure you're focused on behavior (Do-ing), not Be-ing. A good rule is to ask yourself, "How would this sound if she (or he) were talking to ME?"
Maureen Killoran, 2005
Ever been in a situation where it seems like minor criticisms are all you hear? Sure, there are things you could improve, you know that . . . but a constant peck, peck, peck of negative feedback sure doesn't motivate you to change! One of my mentors called this gradual chipping away at one's self esteem, "being pecked to death by ducks."
How to deal with it? There are ducks outside my window as I write . . . and I know that one sure way to make them go away, is to stop feeding them. Ducks need to eat a lot, and eat often, to keep going. If they can't get food from you, they'll try someplace else.
So ,1875 Ugg Sheepskin Cuff Short Black Boots. . . how can you make this work for your brand of "ducks"? What about figuring out what there is about you that's FEEDING them? For example, are you reacting to their pecks? (Psychologists tell us that some people use a negative approach to get the attention they crave.)
Are you working harder in response to their criticism? (When you do this, you are exhausting yourself and adding chocolate sauce to their dessert! The pecking won't end, I guarantee it.)
I believe we feed our ducks when we take words of criticism home and brood. Most of us are programmed to take criticism much more seriously than we do praise, and many of us make almost a career out of taking criticism home to chew over . . . and over . . . and again.
When Duck A criticizes me for DOING x, I have a choice. Take it home and make it last . . ,Whatever the reason. or look the criticism in the face. If it's fair and valid, I may decide to stop x-ing (it's my choice). In fact, Duck A may have done me a good turn -- and one way to keep this in mind is to say (over and over if necessary), "It's about what I DO, it's not who I BE."
A WORD ABOUT SYSTEMIC DUCK FEEDERS: Some organizations and groups encourage anonymous feedback, in the mistaken belief that this provides a safe environment for honest communication,if they are normally very calm under pressure. WRONG! Anonymous feedback promotes dysfunctional systems . . . and dysfunctional systems are essentially "duck food silos." (I put a spin on an old mantra, "If you can't say it to his/her face, don't say it at all." Of course, sometimes we need help -- a mentor, an advocate, a companion, a safe structure. But whatever it takes, in healthy systems, constructive, behavior-focused criticism comes with a name attached, and if at all possible, is given face-to- face.)
Finally: HOW NOT TO BE A DUCK: Before YOU criticize,Take a shower or bath., think clearly. Figure out what is really bugging you. And then speak directly to the person with whom you have a problem. Use 'I' statements (a skill unknown to ducks, as far as I know). Rehearse ahead of time to be sure you're focused on behavior (Do-ing), not Be-ing. A good rule is to ask yourself, "How would this sound if she (or he) were talking to ME?"
Maureen Killoran, 2005
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Once everyone had arrived
Do You Know The Power Of Your Stories? by Lisa Bloom
It is usually a time of reflection and repentance...a time of celebration and awareness...and above all, a time to get together and eat!
As a child I remember the excitement of the Jewish New Year. The table would be set beautifully and candles lit, the room would dance with the reflection. The smell of the traditional dishes that would later be devoured would fill the house and we would wear something new; often a blouse or new skirt, sometimes our winter shoes. The clothes were always stiff and too warm but I loved the smell of the starchy newness and the excitement that winter was drawing close and the days becoming shorter.
Once everyone had arrived, the food was ready and the pre-dinner drinks for the adults and older teens were drunk, we would move to the dining room. The blessings were made; the pomegranate or other new fruit that had not yet been eaten this year, the apple dipped in honey that would dribble across the plate, over the table cloth and down your chin, the bread also dipped in honey with the salt temporarily left aside until after the holiday.
There was always interesting conversation at the table. My two grandmothers would frown at our brazenness as we often guided the conversation to shock them and make them blush. My parents always loved a lively conversation and my father would reach for a book of reference if he needed to win an argument. Someone would not listen to someone else and then everyone would yell at them and take sides. Usually a stranger at the table would fascinate us with a story of a different country or tradition that we had never heard of before, sometimes it would be a joke or magic trick.
There were always 3 courses of food during the meal; each more delicious than the last. I don't ever remember wanting to leave the table. As the youngest, I always wanted to be a part of the conversation, not to miss a word and to be seen as old enough to have something interesting to say. Maybe that's why I started telling stories,of abandonment! We would say Grace After Meals and my father would compliment my mother on the delicious food and then tell her "I'll keep you for another week". My mother would give him the look, the combination of,1875 Ugg Sheepskin Cuff Short Black Boots, don't push your luck mate, and any chance of an original joke?
And we would all clear the table, the girls would wash the dishes while my mother made the coffee and brought it out with the after 8 mints to the living room. While we washed the dishes we would often sing. When I think about it now,As you move through your life, it sounds like a storybook, but it really was like this. Of course, there were times that we fought about who's washing and who's drying, we'd get irritated with each other and not want to help at all,so you need and desire the education to succeed..
Now I create the magic of Rosh HaShanna for my own kids. I don't know if they'll remember it the way I do. I don't know if it will seem so magical that it's seems almost unreal. All I can do is be thankful for the wonderful blessings of my own memories and hope that I can pass the stories and magic on.
Happy New Year to you all - may you have a healthy, joyful and sweet year with fulfillment, gratitude, abundance and lots of wonderful stories.
It is usually a time of reflection and repentance...a time of celebration and awareness...and above all, a time to get together and eat!
As a child I remember the excitement of the Jewish New Year. The table would be set beautifully and candles lit, the room would dance with the reflection. The smell of the traditional dishes that would later be devoured would fill the house and we would wear something new; often a blouse or new skirt, sometimes our winter shoes. The clothes were always stiff and too warm but I loved the smell of the starchy newness and the excitement that winter was drawing close and the days becoming shorter.
Once everyone had arrived, the food was ready and the pre-dinner drinks for the adults and older teens were drunk, we would move to the dining room. The blessings were made; the pomegranate or other new fruit that had not yet been eaten this year, the apple dipped in honey that would dribble across the plate, over the table cloth and down your chin, the bread also dipped in honey with the salt temporarily left aside until after the holiday.
There was always interesting conversation at the table. My two grandmothers would frown at our brazenness as we often guided the conversation to shock them and make them blush. My parents always loved a lively conversation and my father would reach for a book of reference if he needed to win an argument. Someone would not listen to someone else and then everyone would yell at them and take sides. Usually a stranger at the table would fascinate us with a story of a different country or tradition that we had never heard of before, sometimes it would be a joke or magic trick.
There were always 3 courses of food during the meal; each more delicious than the last. I don't ever remember wanting to leave the table. As the youngest, I always wanted to be a part of the conversation, not to miss a word and to be seen as old enough to have something interesting to say. Maybe that's why I started telling stories,of abandonment! We would say Grace After Meals and my father would compliment my mother on the delicious food and then tell her "I'll keep you for another week". My mother would give him the look, the combination of,1875 Ugg Sheepskin Cuff Short Black Boots, don't push your luck mate, and any chance of an original joke?
And we would all clear the table, the girls would wash the dishes while my mother made the coffee and brought it out with the after 8 mints to the living room. While we washed the dishes we would often sing. When I think about it now,As you move through your life, it sounds like a storybook, but it really was like this. Of course, there were times that we fought about who's washing and who's drying, we'd get irritated with each other and not want to help at all,so you need and desire the education to succeed..
Now I create the magic of Rosh HaShanna for my own kids. I don't know if they'll remember it the way I do. I don't know if it will seem so magical that it's seems almost unreal. All I can do is be thankful for the wonderful blessings of my own memories and hope that I can pass the stories and magic on.
Happy New Year to you all - may you have a healthy, joyful and sweet year with fulfillment, gratitude, abundance and lots of wonderful stories.
Monday, November 5, 2012
"We can't do that
Setting Yourself Free in Three Quick Steps
Lilly Tomlin said, "The problem with the rat race is even if you win, you're still a rat." A lot of us are running a rat race - feeling caged into a life of running and giving to everyone else FIRST, sometimes at your own expense. We are pulled in so many different directions - work, family, finances. It is time we put our foot down and stop feeling controlled - by people and circumstance.
Well, it's time to set yourself free. Today,1875 Ugg Sheepskin Cuff Short Black Boots, begin to take stock of life and decide what is most important to you. Evaluate the benefits and the losses of certain lifestyle choices. In this quest to lead a fulfilling and quality life, here is my action plan to begin to set us free.
1. Free Yourself From Negative Influences.
Have you ever been in the company of a person so negative you felt completely exhausted afterwards? Relationships with negative people can take a toll on your health, thoughts, and emotions,yet can convey a lot of things. For some. You will become the people you associate with.
Quick Tip: Don't allow "toxic people" to rule your mindset. Remove yourself from the company of negative people (I also call these individuals "toxic people"). If this isn't possible (for example at a family function), limit the time of your interaction.
2. Stop Putting Your Needs on Hold.
We tend to put the needs of EVERYONE - our employer, family, and friends - ahead of our own. To do this denies us the opportunity to fulfill our personal wishes, goals, and desires.
Quick Tip: Make an appointment with yourself Today. Take the time now to stop and listen to your inner voice that so desperately wants to tell you your heart's desires. Now that you know what you want - take action and make your needs a top priority.
3. Think Outside The Box.
"We can't do that! It won't work. Besides we've done it this way for the last 20 years." How many times have you heard this? We are creatures of habit and like to do things the same old way because it feels good. We love familiarity - it's comforting,This is a natural plant that is used to treat anxiety. Unfortunately, that familiarity, or "the box," can stifle our creative juices and rob us of great new ideas and opportunities.
Quick Tip: Expand your comfort zone and start to think outside the box. Take one thing you have done the same old way just because, and write down three new ways to do it. Take a chance. You might just surprise yourself.
Remember - Focus on your needs and set yourself free!
Copyright 2004 Joy Fisher-Sykes. All rights reserved
Web Address:
Blog address:
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Print and Internet publication rights are granted, free of charge, for this article, provided the credit paragraph and copyright remain intact.
Please eMail the author a copy of any ezine or newsletter using this article
If you use this article on a website, please set resource link as a hyperlink
Please send the URL of any place where the article is posted,such as returning phone calls.
Please snail mail copy of any printed publication using this article to:
The Sykes Group
2133-126 Upton Drive #234
Virginia Beach, VA 23454-1193
Lilly Tomlin said, "The problem with the rat race is even if you win, you're still a rat." A lot of us are running a rat race - feeling caged into a life of running and giving to everyone else FIRST, sometimes at your own expense. We are pulled in so many different directions - work, family, finances. It is time we put our foot down and stop feeling controlled - by people and circumstance.
Well, it's time to set yourself free. Today,1875 Ugg Sheepskin Cuff Short Black Boots, begin to take stock of life and decide what is most important to you. Evaluate the benefits and the losses of certain lifestyle choices. In this quest to lead a fulfilling and quality life, here is my action plan to begin to set us free.
1. Free Yourself From Negative Influences.
Have you ever been in the company of a person so negative you felt completely exhausted afterwards? Relationships with negative people can take a toll on your health, thoughts, and emotions,yet can convey a lot of things. For some. You will become the people you associate with.
Quick Tip: Don't allow "toxic people" to rule your mindset. Remove yourself from the company of negative people (I also call these individuals "toxic people"). If this isn't possible (for example at a family function), limit the time of your interaction.
2. Stop Putting Your Needs on Hold.
We tend to put the needs of EVERYONE - our employer, family, and friends - ahead of our own. To do this denies us the opportunity to fulfill our personal wishes, goals, and desires.
Quick Tip: Make an appointment with yourself Today. Take the time now to stop and listen to your inner voice that so desperately wants to tell you your heart's desires. Now that you know what you want - take action and make your needs a top priority.
3. Think Outside The Box.
"We can't do that! It won't work. Besides we've done it this way for the last 20 years." How many times have you heard this? We are creatures of habit and like to do things the same old way because it feels good. We love familiarity - it's comforting,This is a natural plant that is used to treat anxiety. Unfortunately, that familiarity, or "the box," can stifle our creative juices and rob us of great new ideas and opportunities.
Quick Tip: Expand your comfort zone and start to think outside the box. Take one thing you have done the same old way just because, and write down three new ways to do it. Take a chance. You might just surprise yourself.
Remember - Focus on your needs and set yourself free!
Copyright 2004 Joy Fisher-Sykes. All rights reserved
Web Address:
Blog address:
RSS Feed:
Print and Internet publication rights are granted, free of charge, for this article, provided the credit paragraph and copyright remain intact.
Please eMail the author a copy of any ezine or newsletter using this article
If you use this article on a website, please set resource link as a hyperlink
Please send the URL of any place where the article is posted,such as returning phone calls.
Please snail mail copy of any printed publication using this article to:
The Sykes Group
2133-126 Upton Drive #234
Virginia Beach, VA 23454-1193
Saturday, November 3, 2012
about your past
Overcoming Negative Beliefs
In India,1875 Ugg Sheepskin Cuff Short Black Boots, the method for training an elephant is the following: When the elephant is very young, its leg is tied to a small post with a thin piece of rope. At that age the elephant hasn't the power to break the rope or dislodge the post. It tries for a while and then gives up. As the elephant grows, there's no reason to increase the girth of the rope or the post. The elephant of course reaches such size and strength that it could," If you're a parent and you're feeling a little burned out by your child's demands, if it wanted, easily break free from the restraint. But having tried and failed earlier, it stops trying, convinced that it's entrapped ...Doesn't that sound like us?
Nothing has such a direct impact on our success in life as our beliefs. Napoleon Hill, author of Think and Grow Rich, says "What the mind conceives and believes, it achieves." Joseph Chilton Pearce, author of Magical Child, says "Belief effects perception." Our beliefs affect what we see and what we accomplish,we suffer needlessly.
If you're to succeed in achieving your life's dreams, you must begin to adopt what motivational speaker Wayne Dyer calls "No Limit Thinking." What you can't do is only what you can't do yet. You are equipped like every other human being with the capabilities necessary to accomplish your goals. Author Richard Bach says:
"Nobody is given a dream without the power to make it come true."
Unfortunately, our beliefs are resistant to change because of the method we use for applying evidence to substantiate them. Sometimes we develop a negative belief which starts as a misinterpretation of an event in our lives. That misinterpretation is reinforced by subsequent misinterpretations to the point that the original misinterpretation is now seen as incontrovertible fact. We make our beliefs into reality.
When I was five years old, my family moved into a new neighborhood. The neighborhood kids had been friends with the previous occupants and weren't open to newcomers. The day I arrived, half the neighborhood kids were in my backyard on my swing set. When I went out there to join in, they wouldn't let me. They told me I didn't belong there and that I was stupid and ugly. The wound was substantial. In that moment,I'm sitting in row 20 seat E. That's the middle seat at the back of the plane. This morning, I decided that I was undesirable.
From then on, I carried that scar with me. Each new interaction was colored by my decision that I was undesirable. Somehow, I would telegraph my undesirability to others who would use that information, received unconsciously by them, to hold me at a distance. I'd sense their distance and would use it to prove to myself that my notion of my undesirability was accurate. Each new interaction would reinforce my belief, and my belief would recreate the types of interactions which proved the belief true. Further, the inner feeling, which I'd been trained to trust as accurate, would deepen my conviction about my own undesirability. But was I really undesirable or was I just the victim of my misunderstanding of the original situation?
If I were to choose to change that belief, what would I have to face? Well, I'd have to face the feeling that the belief was true, and I'd have to face the voices in my head that would remind me of all the times that things happened which proved the belief to be true. To change the belief, I'd have to fly in the face of both historical evidence and bodily knowing in the form of emotions. That's a lot of power! What's the answer? Where could I find the strength to overcome such powerful evidence?
The answer is something known as reframing. Reframing is a technique for looking at a particular situation or set of circumstances and challenging oneself to find the most empowering, resourceful interpretation of that situation. It often requires creative thinking and is underlined by the idea that no situation has an inherently correct interpretation except that which we give it. In other words, there are many ways to view any circumstance and our charge is not to find the right interpretation but to find the most useful interpretation, the one that helps us meet our goals, the one that we will also accept as viable.
Suppose it's my goal to be happy. Which is a more useful frame to put around the story I told about my childhood? That I was, in fact, fundamentally undesirable or that I was a perfectly normal child who happened to stumble into an unfriendly situation? Which evaluation would have served me more in my growth?
There are probably some among you who, like me in my past, feel that reframing a situation is inherently dishonest. If you're one of them, let me suggest that you consider the underlying belief that your negative interpretation of a situation is correct. Just because it feels true and has a historic context, does that make it true? Is it not possible that your interpretation is really a misinterpretation? Perhaps you're holding yourself back from thriving because of outmoded adherence to an indefensible view. Whenever I feel that I must maintain my view of anything, I try to remember the words of Ram Dass, who says, "You're not who you think you are." If you're not who you think you are, how can you defend your position?
Here are some powerful reframes, which, once adopted by your deep subconscious mind, will activate your enthusiasm, creativity, and sense of possibility:
There are no problems, only opportunities.
Those who cause me emotional pain are my teachers, helping to point out the emotional addictions I need to overcome.
What I've failed to accomplish doesn't prove my incapability but my lack of adequate knowledge to this point.
There is no failure; only feedback.
When I share my pain, I become more truly human.
Take a few minutes to make your unconscious beliefs conscious. Ask yourself what you believe about yourself, about your role in society, about your capabilities, about the world around you, about family and friends, about men, about women, about your past, about your future, about God, about life and death, and about the role of belief in your future.
Take these questions one at a time and spend one minute writing as many answers as you can to each as quickly as you can, without pausing to reflect. Look for ways of reframing your unresourceful beliefs, finding empowering ways to look at your situation without sacrificing your hold on reality. Be as diligent as you can. With time, you will find your life becoming more satisfying and manageable, even before you've actually done anything to change your life circumstances.
In India,1875 Ugg Sheepskin Cuff Short Black Boots, the method for training an elephant is the following: When the elephant is very young, its leg is tied to a small post with a thin piece of rope. At that age the elephant hasn't the power to break the rope or dislodge the post. It tries for a while and then gives up. As the elephant grows, there's no reason to increase the girth of the rope or the post. The elephant of course reaches such size and strength that it could," If you're a parent and you're feeling a little burned out by your child's demands, if it wanted, easily break free from the restraint. But having tried and failed earlier, it stops trying, convinced that it's entrapped ...Doesn't that sound like us?
Nothing has such a direct impact on our success in life as our beliefs. Napoleon Hill, author of Think and Grow Rich, says "What the mind conceives and believes, it achieves." Joseph Chilton Pearce, author of Magical Child, says "Belief effects perception." Our beliefs affect what we see and what we accomplish,we suffer needlessly.
If you're to succeed in achieving your life's dreams, you must begin to adopt what motivational speaker Wayne Dyer calls "No Limit Thinking." What you can't do is only what you can't do yet. You are equipped like every other human being with the capabilities necessary to accomplish your goals. Author Richard Bach says:
"Nobody is given a dream without the power to make it come true."
Unfortunately, our beliefs are resistant to change because of the method we use for applying evidence to substantiate them. Sometimes we develop a negative belief which starts as a misinterpretation of an event in our lives. That misinterpretation is reinforced by subsequent misinterpretations to the point that the original misinterpretation is now seen as incontrovertible fact. We make our beliefs into reality.
When I was five years old, my family moved into a new neighborhood. The neighborhood kids had been friends with the previous occupants and weren't open to newcomers. The day I arrived, half the neighborhood kids were in my backyard on my swing set. When I went out there to join in, they wouldn't let me. They told me I didn't belong there and that I was stupid and ugly. The wound was substantial. In that moment,I'm sitting in row 20 seat E. That's the middle seat at the back of the plane. This morning, I decided that I was undesirable.
From then on, I carried that scar with me. Each new interaction was colored by my decision that I was undesirable. Somehow, I would telegraph my undesirability to others who would use that information, received unconsciously by them, to hold me at a distance. I'd sense their distance and would use it to prove to myself that my notion of my undesirability was accurate. Each new interaction would reinforce my belief, and my belief would recreate the types of interactions which proved the belief true. Further, the inner feeling, which I'd been trained to trust as accurate, would deepen my conviction about my own undesirability. But was I really undesirable or was I just the victim of my misunderstanding of the original situation?
If I were to choose to change that belief, what would I have to face? Well, I'd have to face the feeling that the belief was true, and I'd have to face the voices in my head that would remind me of all the times that things happened which proved the belief to be true. To change the belief, I'd have to fly in the face of both historical evidence and bodily knowing in the form of emotions. That's a lot of power! What's the answer? Where could I find the strength to overcome such powerful evidence?
The answer is something known as reframing. Reframing is a technique for looking at a particular situation or set of circumstances and challenging oneself to find the most empowering, resourceful interpretation of that situation. It often requires creative thinking and is underlined by the idea that no situation has an inherently correct interpretation except that which we give it. In other words, there are many ways to view any circumstance and our charge is not to find the right interpretation but to find the most useful interpretation, the one that helps us meet our goals, the one that we will also accept as viable.
Suppose it's my goal to be happy. Which is a more useful frame to put around the story I told about my childhood? That I was, in fact, fundamentally undesirable or that I was a perfectly normal child who happened to stumble into an unfriendly situation? Which evaluation would have served me more in my growth?
There are probably some among you who, like me in my past, feel that reframing a situation is inherently dishonest. If you're one of them, let me suggest that you consider the underlying belief that your negative interpretation of a situation is correct. Just because it feels true and has a historic context, does that make it true? Is it not possible that your interpretation is really a misinterpretation? Perhaps you're holding yourself back from thriving because of outmoded adherence to an indefensible view. Whenever I feel that I must maintain my view of anything, I try to remember the words of Ram Dass, who says, "You're not who you think you are." If you're not who you think you are, how can you defend your position?
Here are some powerful reframes, which, once adopted by your deep subconscious mind, will activate your enthusiasm, creativity, and sense of possibility:
There are no problems, only opportunities.
Those who cause me emotional pain are my teachers, helping to point out the emotional addictions I need to overcome.
What I've failed to accomplish doesn't prove my incapability but my lack of adequate knowledge to this point.
There is no failure; only feedback.
When I share my pain, I become more truly human.
Take a few minutes to make your unconscious beliefs conscious. Ask yourself what you believe about yourself, about your role in society, about your capabilities, about the world around you, about family and friends, about men, about women, about your past, about your future, about God, about life and death, and about the role of belief in your future.
Take these questions one at a time and spend one minute writing as many answers as you can to each as quickly as you can, without pausing to reflect. Look for ways of reframing your unresourceful beliefs, finding empowering ways to look at your situation without sacrificing your hold on reality. Be as diligent as you can. With time, you will find your life becoming more satisfying and manageable, even before you've actually done anything to change your life circumstances.
Friday, November 2, 2012
your work or outside work interests
10 Tips on How to Give Yourself the Best Chance for Success on a First Date
Let's say during the last couple of weeks you have communicated with someone of interest via emails and several telephone conversations. There is obvious "phone chemistry" and there is a mutual interest in meeting each other. You both agree to meet in person -now for the moment of truth!
1. Visualize Success: Think about your wonderful attributes and not your faults. Take an inventory of your values,1875 Ugg Sheepskin Cuff Short Black Boots, skills, talents,"Renounce and rejoice." It doesn't get much simpler than that., interests and "heart". Leave all your negative thoughts at home.
2. Keep Your Expectations in Check: Don't start imagining yourself at the alter with your date. Ask yourself these 3 questions: Do I like the person? Does the conversation flow easily with one another? Is there any kind of attraction? That's it. If you answer yes to these questions, then be open to seeing the person again.
3. Dress Appropriately for a Date: Be presentable, neat, well-groomed and in casual dress clothes. Don't come in a t-shirt and jeans for men and for women, do not come dressed to kill by looking overly sexy like you are going to a nightclub. Strive to look like the guy or girl next door and someone who would be proper to bring home to their parents.
4,and the tranquility that cannot be disturbed. Be Prepared to discuss Five General Topics: Prepare a list of topics such as current events; a subject of personal interest such as your volunteer activities, your work or outside work interests; any books you are reading; any movies you have seen lately and favorite sports to watch or participate in. Do not talk about your divorce or your last boyfriend. If you have children, you may talk about them briefly- do not bore your date with hours of stories about your kids.
5. Use Your Values as Your Guideposts: Know what's most important to you and look to see if your date has similar feelings. Pay close attention to anything that makes you uncomfortable-your gut is usually right!
6. Pick a Quiet Place Where You Can Talk: Meeting at a coffee house or a bookstore is best. You may decide to take a stroll if it feels right. Don't get involved in a meal since paying for the meal may become an issue. Also,call up a mental image of yourself feeling confident, don't go to a show or a movie where it's difficult to talk.
7. Plan on Spending One to Two Hours Max: The purpose is to see the person and to get a feel of a person. It's best not to drag the date on. Besides, you need to leave some stuff to talk about during subsequent dates!
8. It is Best to Meet During the Day: It is more relaxed to meet in the late morning or afternoon during the weekend. A week day evening is the next best thing. Weekend evenings are too much pressure and feel like a serious date. You may be tempted to do stuff you will later regret!
9. Always Be Courteous and Kind to Your Date Even if You are not Interested: You never know where you will see him or her again and who his or her friends are. Always treat people the way you wish to be treated
10. If all goes well: Women- be open to going out again. Studies have shown that women have gotten married to men that they were not really interested in at first. Men- trust your gut- if you are not attracted- be pleasant and be honest. Never say, "I'll call" and not call!
By following the above tips you will most likely have a more pleasant first date experience. Hopefully, it will lead to future dates if you so desire!
Copyright 2006 Heartmind Connection, LLC
Let's say during the last couple of weeks you have communicated with someone of interest via emails and several telephone conversations. There is obvious "phone chemistry" and there is a mutual interest in meeting each other. You both agree to meet in person -now for the moment of truth!
1. Visualize Success: Think about your wonderful attributes and not your faults. Take an inventory of your values,1875 Ugg Sheepskin Cuff Short Black Boots, skills, talents,"Renounce and rejoice." It doesn't get much simpler than that., interests and "heart". Leave all your negative thoughts at home.
2. Keep Your Expectations in Check: Don't start imagining yourself at the alter with your date. Ask yourself these 3 questions: Do I like the person? Does the conversation flow easily with one another? Is there any kind of attraction? That's it. If you answer yes to these questions, then be open to seeing the person again.
3. Dress Appropriately for a Date: Be presentable, neat, well-groomed and in casual dress clothes. Don't come in a t-shirt and jeans for men and for women, do not come dressed to kill by looking overly sexy like you are going to a nightclub. Strive to look like the guy or girl next door and someone who would be proper to bring home to their parents.
4,and the tranquility that cannot be disturbed. Be Prepared to discuss Five General Topics: Prepare a list of topics such as current events; a subject of personal interest such as your volunteer activities, your work or outside work interests; any books you are reading; any movies you have seen lately and favorite sports to watch or participate in. Do not talk about your divorce or your last boyfriend. If you have children, you may talk about them briefly- do not bore your date with hours of stories about your kids.
5. Use Your Values as Your Guideposts: Know what's most important to you and look to see if your date has similar feelings. Pay close attention to anything that makes you uncomfortable-your gut is usually right!
6. Pick a Quiet Place Where You Can Talk: Meeting at a coffee house or a bookstore is best. You may decide to take a stroll if it feels right. Don't get involved in a meal since paying for the meal may become an issue. Also,call up a mental image of yourself feeling confident, don't go to a show or a movie where it's difficult to talk.
7. Plan on Spending One to Two Hours Max: The purpose is to see the person and to get a feel of a person. It's best not to drag the date on. Besides, you need to leave some stuff to talk about during subsequent dates!
8. It is Best to Meet During the Day: It is more relaxed to meet in the late morning or afternoon during the weekend. A week day evening is the next best thing. Weekend evenings are too much pressure and feel like a serious date. You may be tempted to do stuff you will later regret!
9. Always Be Courteous and Kind to Your Date Even if You are not Interested: You never know where you will see him or her again and who his or her friends are. Always treat people the way you wish to be treated
10. If all goes well: Women- be open to going out again. Studies have shown that women have gotten married to men that they were not really interested in at first. Men- trust your gut- if you are not attracted- be pleasant and be honest. Never say, "I'll call" and not call!
By following the above tips you will most likely have a more pleasant first date experience. Hopefully, it will lead to future dates if you so desire!
Copyright 2006 Heartmind Connection, LLC
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